Children of Men

Like it or not, at the end of the day...all men are trying to do one of two things. Either trying to make their father proud, or trying to piss him off. Maybe for some of us, it's a tricky combination of both. When we are younger we idolize our fathers, they can do no wrong and since we don't know any other fathers, we think of ours as "normal". When most of the time, they're anything but. And when we finally see him for what he is, a flawed, fragile human being it scares us. Not that those things are necessarily wrong, there just disconcerting when we realize them. So if it turns out that our beloved fathers are gentle and caring and all around good men, we will spend our entire lives waiting to hear the seemingly pointless words "I'm proud of you, son". Whether shown on the forefront or not, every child longs to hear those words. Just look at the kid at football practice, looking into the stands and hoping to see his father so he can show him what he can do. Of course, it's a useless venture because no matter how many times we hear it, it'll never satisfy our need. Like an annoying girlfriend who wants you to say I Love You every time you leave her, you will feel unfulfilled with not hearing it. And what you say, if you're father is a complete asshole? No matter how horrible then man is, no matter how morally bankrupt, you'll still long for it. Of course when he says it, it won't mean a thing. Because after seeing his life, you wonder what he wouldn't be proud of. "I'm proud you're not lying in a ditch somewhere" is about the only thing that he has a authority on. The problem is, as the saying goes, I always wish better for my son than what I had. It's impossible. Because in the end, you become him and in turn pass it on to your son. A childhood friend of mine had a father who was an abusive alcoholic. I saw this kid, this boy, get beaten numerous times. The worst part is that there was nothing he did wrong. It was that his hair was sticking up, or he had me over, or that he needed to hit someone and his own child would never hit back. I'd sit there with him as he cried, his face red with shame and he'd tell me that he'd never be like his Dad. He'd be a great father and he'd treat his kids right. Well, looking at him now, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between him and his father. Like in Animal Farm, the pig turns into the dictator. There only one way to avoid it. And it's to change. Whether you admit it or not, you're just like him. Even the things you hated most. The only way to stop it is to realize it before it's too late. Self-actualization is the only way to break this wicked curse. And maybe someday, you can sit your son down and tell him that you make him proud and that he makes you proud everyday. And him becoming what you are, will be a good thing.