Carpe Diem

I was thinking about a phrase my father used to tell me all the time when I was younger. The saying goes "Don't put one foot in yesterday and another in tomorrow, you'll piss on today". When I was younger, I would always speak of how much "that time" was better or how great it will be when I'm "this old". My father would remind me to live for today, not piss on it. Much to my chagrin, I didn't listen and this affliction still curses me. I think we as a people constantly look to the past and yearn for days gone. How many times have we uttered "I miss high school" or "I had the time of my life back then, not like now". And if that weren't enough, we dream of when we have it all figured out. We go to school and wonder what it'll be like in "the real world", we get the "real world" and wonder what it'll be like to be married and have children. We get to there and long for days of retirement. It never ends. Whilst we are in the current time, we never seem to cherish it. In college, I was dating a girl seriously. I would constantly look to the day when I was married to her. Never realizing that in that moment, I was having so much fun. And that while I fantasized about the day, the white wedding wasn't meant to be. I never wanted to open my eyes to what was in front of me, I just kept inputting her into my future. Had I stepped back for a second, perhaps I would have realized that we weren't right for each other after all. On the other side, I now think of college and regard it as the best time in my life. I had a ton of fun, little responsibility and my whole life ahead of me. But when I was there, it seemed boring and meaningless. The fact is, I'm looking at the past with rose colored glasses. I remember the laughter and the fun, not the tears and the fighting. I look back on drinking with friends, not struggling to scrape enough money together just to eat. I wonder why we do this to ourselves. Why we choose to want a distorted version of the past or a hopeful vision of the future instead of taking in all that today has to offer. If I were to put all of my energy on today, and enjoy the moment perhaps I would have a better life. I don't know how to fix this, and perhaps I never will. But what I do know is that life should be about enjoying it, not being disappointed by it. In the end, I must consciously choose to seize the day and live it to it's fullest. Because what I need to remind myself is that yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

Loves Labor Lost

I read the other day that 94% of singles between the age of 20 to 29 believe in soul mates. This brought me to think about the reasons and ramifications for such a lofty percentage. First of all, we are all brought up to believe in true love. From The Notebook to The Beauty and the Beast, we are taught that love is in fact real and happens in all sorts of ways. Love is all around us in fact. But the thing is, I don't think we see it in real life as much as when we watch television or movies. How many times have we seen a couple and remark "they are perfect for each other! I just know they're going to be married"? How many times in our own relationship did we think we had "the one" only for it to end? I know this has a hint of bitterness to it and I don't want that to be the case. I know that love exists, I know that it is possible for two people to care about each other so much that they have never-ending, never faltering love. But in my experience, it's just not as common as we were led to believe. That meeting across a room, eyes locked, feeling of magic just doesn't happen to everyone. Some people think they are in love but only realize they were in fact in love with love. And maybe that's the problem. We are inundated with love stories from the start and all we have to go on is a series of fantasies and unreal expectations. So when we are lucky enough to love, we don't expect the day to day grind of it all. We never expect the "stupid fights" that turn two well meaning, otherwise rational people into screaming, red-faced animals. We never expect to hit the rough patches of insecurity, jealousy or just plain boredom. The movies do not contain scenes like that. And it leads us to believe that maybe, just maybe there could be something better out there. A relationship without all the petty bickering, or day to day issues. But the fact is, there isn't a couple out there that doesn't deal with that. That dream man or women doesn't exist, because no one is perfect. The thing some people fail to realize is that love is rare, it's unique. And despite it's inevitable problems it's something that you should hold on to and cherish. It's something you should fight for. There is no fairytale out there but there is magic to had. And when you don't work for it and stay true to it, you'll never achieve it. You'll always be chasing for the gold pot under the rainbow.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost, Just... Different

In the last few months, I have realized an important truth. When someone in your life is gone, we have this way of freezing them in time. For instance, my cousin will perpetually be 9 years old in my eyes. For some reason, every time I see him I am surprised that he is a teenager still. And I think of the way I thought and the things I did when I was his age and realize I don't know how to treat him anymore. When I was 16 years old, I preferred to be thought of as an adult. After all, I was responsible and thought about issues most adults do. What I am trying to say is that when you lose contact with someone, you freeze them in your mind. They stay the same weight, height, have the same traits. But if you see them again later down the line, you realize that this was a collection of your memories, not a picture of the person they are now. So we, are inevitably shocked by the things they do or say or even how they look. For some reason, we never think about how they'd change, or grow. Or in some cases become someone you wouldn't recognize.
This has gotten me to think. Does this happen, these same changes, while your in that person's life? Do you carry on, never noticing the change because you still want them to be who they were. Or is it because of us that they don't change. Perhaps they are hiding this whole other person underneath the whole time. And it bursts out when they are gone. I guess we'll never know, but either way we don't miss the person that exists today. We miss the person that we imagine they are. And that person will never exist, no matter how much we want them back. Everything is different, and there is no turning back. The only solace we have is to think fondly of that person, as they were. And survive on that.